Savvy!
by Life Ravenwing
Summary: PLEASE R&R! If you're looking for a good laugh, come here! This is a sue parody, but vair vair funny! Inside: Will and his new handbag, elizabeth's savvy new friend, and jack gushing willow
1. Chapter 1

Attack of the Mary Sues

A/N: OK, yeah, I felt a bit weird…maybe I drank too much tea. But this is the story of what happens what a perfectly respectable fanfic writer (moi) loses their mind and begins to put in many self-inserts, OOC sequences, and Mary Sues. Enjoy!

Chapter One: "But everyone calls me Lana!"

Elizabeth Swann ran down the deck cursing to herself, and suddenly (GASP) she stopped. "I feel sullied and unusual," she said. "What the hell?" She scratched her head. "That's Jack's line!" Staring up into the bright blue sky, or as we know it, the computer screen, she shouted: "Hey, fix the stupid story, willya?"

At a computer in an undisclosed location:

"Too many tests!!!!! Losing mind!" I tore the proof worksheet in half and turned to my laptop. My brain felt out of wack as I turned to my latest chapter of POTC: AWE. "Must Mary Sue, must insert self, muhahahahaahahaha!!!!!!"

Back in the story:

Jack Sparrow was drunk. Very drunk, very very very very drunk…but still hot. Suddenly, a girl appeared in front of him. She was pretty, very very very very pretty. He stood up, his head suddenly cleared with thoughts of love.

"Marry me!" he shouted, falling to his knees.

The girl's face turned into a mask of surprised innocence. "But sir, first I must use my amazing swordfighting skills I just acquired and my superpower to fly to save the world! And anyway, that is improper. We must get into a long relationship where I will help you sort out your troubled past!"

The normal Jack Sparrow would push this girl out of the way and walk to Elizabeth Swann, who was cussing and drinking OOC, as she passed by the ship, but the new OOC Jack decided to follow this girl!

"I will wait for you," he gushed. "My angel, my dream, my vision…wait, I didn't even know these words." One look at this girl brought him back to his OOC self. "What is your name, I must know it, to proclaim it to the high heavens as the name of an angel!"

The girl didn't seem at all fazed. "My name is Cerulean Jade Diamond Raven Darken Moon Shine," she said brightly. "I used to live in a rich family, but then my parents were slaughtered by the East India Trading Company, and IbecameapirateafterhavingatroubledchildhoodandIlearnedamazingskillsanddiscoveredIcanfly! But everyone calls me Lana!"

A/N: Yeah, I know it's weird. Don't worry, this won't slow down After World's End, but if you guys would please review more, my brain might start working again!

See y'all later!

-Life Ravenwing


	2. Chapter 2

Attack of the Mary Sues

A/N: YAYZ!!!! HALLOWEEN is tomorrow! Not that I actually get to out, I'm stuck catering to you folks…jk. Anyway, thanks to my reviewer (notice the not s :P). Hope you enjoy the siliness!!! Please R&R!

Chapter 2: A Friendship that shouldn't be happening

"Lana, my angel, my star, my fabulous creature of feminine perfection," Jack spewed as he followed the perfect girl around Shipwreck Cove. Everywhere they went, people began to follow her (only the guys, don't worry) and soon a line of pirates had formed behind Jack Sparrow. Whenever they rounded a corner, a few pirates fell off the dock.

"You are my sun, my moon, my starlit sky!" Jack gushed. "I dwell in darkness without you…" (GO WILLOW!!!!!!!!)

At the undisclosed laptop:

"OK, that was a nice little trip from sanity-land…back to the real writing." I turned to my laptop, but suddenly (GASP) Will Turner appeared and dropped an anvil on my head!

"HAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! MUST MARY SUE!!!!!"

The next chapter of After World's end was doomed…

Back to Pirateville:

"God!#)$!)#$)!ndhangthosenonsavvy!)#$!)#$!)#! Give me some $)ing rum!" Elizabeth Swann, once again OOC strode up and down the dock. Suddenly (GASP), she saw a line of guys following a girl who was about the narrator's age, with the narrator's hair, but perfect, narrator's eyes, but perfect, and narrator's…ya get the point!

"Hang her and hide the rum!" Elizabeth said, teetering her way to the Mary Sue in a very Jacklike strut.

Lana turned to Elizabeth. "Hi, wanna be friends?" she asked. Suddenly (GASP), Elizabeth, who had been raising her sword to strike dropped the sword and smiled broadly. "Savvy!" she proclaimed, and went skipping away arm-in-arm with her new bestie.

The line of mesmerized pirates began to skip also, and unfortunately for them, Lana and her buddy rounded a sharp corner. It is said that half the population of Shipwreck Cove fell off the dock that day.

On the Flying Dutchman:

"Daddy!" Will Turner said, turning to his barnacle-encrusted dad. "Let's go shopping!"

Bootrstrap Bill Turner turned to his son. "What?"

"OMG! Shopping!!!! I wanna go to the mall, like so totally awesome!" Will said. Oh NOES!!!!! Another OOC character (or is it?)

A/N: OMG! Like totally another chapter! You all better, like, review while I go totally shopping! OK, I'll stop now. Next chapter preview: Will finds a handbag that Ohsmygosh! He just HAS to have! Also, the narrator fails her math test! OHSMYGOSH!

(GASP) Please review. Seeyall!

-Life Ravenwing


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Sorry for taking forever to update…not that anyone actually reads this . OK, more craziness…though I'm more nervous about midterms. Whatever, enjoy!

Chapter Three: Workin' out them problems

"Jack!" Lana said. "Is everything alright?"

"Oh my darling," Jack gushed as 'Gone With the Wind' music swelled in the background. "No. My life is terrible." He prostrated himself out her feet. "My childhood was abusive and my parents never loved me and I wanted a pony but I never got one!"

Lana squatted and tenderly brushed Jack's cheek. "We all want ponies, Jack," she murmured as her beautiful violet eyes glimmered like a thousand suns as they filled with tears. "But you can't always get what you want." Suddenly (GASP), a guitarist appeared on Lana's shoulder (chibi guitarist) and began to sing (you know the words). She brushed him off and pulled Jack up.

"Jack, it's alright," she said. "You're all grown up now. Don't worry about your childhood. We're here, now, together…"

The Writer's Brain:

FREEZE!!!!! God, I can't believe I'm actually writing this. It's like that beginning scene of Enchanted when I felt like I was going to throw up. OK, back to the story.

Pirateland:

"Oh Lana, I love you!" Jack yelled. "All I have is yours! I don't care about the rest of my life when I spent time with tons of different women! I'm completely forgetting about Elizabeth! I only think about you, Lana!" He kissed her passionately just as the music swelled even more into the fortissimo area and Elizabeth walked in.

She saw them kissing and smiled. Lana pulled back from the kiss. "Elizabeth!" she squeaked, skipping over to her bestie. "I'm so sorry. Are you okay?"

"Of course I am, Lana!" Elizabeth answered earnestly. "I don't care that you just kissed the love of my life, not at all! I'm so happy for you two! Let's happy dance!" Elizabeth and Lana held hands and skipped in a circle, singing and happy dancing!

Willland:

"Daddy!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"What is it now?"

"Ohsmygosh!" Will pointed at a handbag. "Please Daddy please please please please pleasepleaseplease!"

"Will," Bootstrap Bill said.

"I just HAVE to have it!" Will yelled. "I'm Captain, so you do what I say, Daddy!"

AN: Yah, that was short and strange and I almost threw up, midterm time! See y'all later! Please Please please please pleasepleaseplease review!


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